Why American men are afraid to approach women

For many young men in the U.S., meeting women has become a daunting challenge. Ryan Kessler, 28, from Manhattan told The Post that he tries not to come across as a pushy macho guy, fearing he’ll be seen as a “classic jerk.”

"I don’t want the other person to feel uncomfortable. Some women don’t want to be approached at all," Kessler explained.

As a result, his real-life encounters with women are rare, but he feels more confident on dating apps like Bumble and Hinge, where women expect a digital approach.

A 2025 study found that nearly half of men fear being perceived as a “jerk,” which discourages them from approaching women in person. Yet most women actually want men to take the initiative: 77% of women aged 18–30 and 68% of those 30–40 said they appreciate men making the first move.

Some men have completely given up on taking the initiative. Grant Greenly, a 24-year-old actor, said: “I’ll never approach women again. It’s not worth it. If she’s the one, she’ll make the first move.”

Comedian Levi McKaychen, 37, agrees with the trend: “If a woman has the courage to approach first, that’s great. The man just enjoys the moment.”

Experts stress the importance of distinguishing between respectful attention and harassment. Connell Barrett, a 14-year-old New York dating coach, advises: “Men shouldn’t be afraid to approach, but it should be done with empathy and charm. Women aren’t against being approached—they’re against being objectified or disrespected.”

As dating norms shift, many men, like Greenly and McKaychen, are letting women take the lead. Others approach carefully, trying to find a connection without awkwardness or offense.