"Two Years in Hell": The Truth About Audrey Hepburn's Miscarriages, Suicide Attempt, and Unfulfilled Dream

For millions of people, Audrey Hepburn has remained the standard of elegance, beauty, and Hollywood glamour. However, behind the flawless smile of the star of Roman Holiday and Breakfast at Tiffany's lay a deep personal tragedy. A little girl who survived the hunger and horrors of Nazi occupation in the Netherlands carried with her a single cherished dream throughout her entire life—to build a large family and have "hordes of children."

In a new and, as her eldest son Sean Hepburn Ferrer hopes, "final" biography of the actress titled Intimate Audrey, shocking and tragic details of her family life, her struggles with miscarriages, and a suicide attempt are revealed.

Tragedy After Tragedy: The Price of the Dream of a Big Family

Audrey's first miscarriage occurred just six months after her marriage to actor and director Mel Ferrer in March 1955. She was 25 years old. According to Sean, her husband tried to "distract" her with work so she wouldn't sink into depression.

Four years later, on the set of the Western The Unforgiven, the actress became pregnant again, but lost the baby at six months. It was a girl whom Audrey had already planned to name Maria.

"This wasn't just a tragedy, it made Mom fear that she might never be able to have children at all," Sean writes. "She carried this pain until the end of her days."

It wasn't until July 1960 that Sean himself was born. The actress was on cloud nine, but behind the perfect picture lurked a terrible secret.

"Two Years in Hell": The Hidden Cruelty of Her First Husband

As it turned out, Mel Ferrer initially did not want another child—he already had four children from previous marriages and was completely focused on his film career alongside Audrey.

Sean Ferrer claims that his father subconsciously (or intentionally) did everything possible to prevent his wife from carrying children to term.

Every time a pregnancy test showed a positive result, Mel would find a reason to arrange a move, a long trip, or heavy labor.

Because of her history of miscarriages, Audrey required strict bed rest, especially in the third trimester, rather than "dragging boxes of books" at her husband's demand.

The boiling point came when Audrey noticed that their young son Sean was walking on tiptoe and afraid to take an extra breath near his father's room, fearing another outburst. Realizing that the toxic atmosphere was damaging the child's psyche, the actress decided to split up.

In late 1965, during a brief reconciliation with her husband, Audrey became pregnant again, but suffered another miscarriage due to an ectopic pregnancy. According to Sean, Mel didn't even find the time to support his heartbroken wife, scheduling a planned hemorrhoid surgery for those exact same days.

The divorce was finalized in 1966 (publicly announced a year later). Audrey referred to that period of her life as nothing less than "two years in hell—the worst of my life." At the same time, until the end of her days, the actress maintained that her husband's indifference was a result of selfishness rather than malice.

The Truth About the Overdose and Second Marriage

Audrey also failed to find marital happiness in her second marriage to Italian psychiatrist Andrea Dotti (who fathered her second son, Luca, born in 1970). The union was overshadowed by the husband's constant infidelities.

The pain of betrayal proved so unbearable that in a moment of despair, the actress took a fatal dose of sleeping pills.

Her maid found her in time. A 17-year-old Sean watched in horror as his mother's lifeless body was taken to the hospital for a stomach pump. The next day, pale and exhausted, Audrey walked straight up to her son:

"I know how this looks, Sean, but try to understand. I was in such pain that I desperately wanted to switch off. I was suffering too much and needed it to stop. I'm so sorry, I never meant to end my life."

Sean admits he believed her. Later, at the age of 45, she tried to get pregnant a third time—which her son believes was a "desperate and slightly crazy attempt" to save her cracking marriage to Dotti, but she suffered another miscarriage early on. They were finally able to part ways with Dotti in 1982.

The Most Important Role of a Lifetime

Gradually stepping away from cinema, Audrey Hepburn found comfort and a new purpose in life where she had always drawn her inspiration—in caring for children. Her work as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador became, by her own admission, the most important endeavor of her life. Dedicating herself to saving starving and sick children around the world, the legendary actress continued this mission until her death in 1993.