Three Berlin men are ‘marrying’ each other — but there’s no sex: “We just love each other”

They live together, but they aren’t a couple. They wear wedding rings, but have no plans to have sex. And now they have decided to get married. Three friends from Berlin — Karam Nwilati, Kristian Naydenov and Santeri Lehtonen — have made friendship the central partnership of their lives, The Independent reports.

It all began with an unexpected proposal. During a cycling trip through picturesque Slovenia, 32-year-old Karam Nwilati got down on one knee and opened a ring box. Only there were three rings inside.

Karam proposed to both of his best friends — 29-year-old Kristian Naydenov and 36-year-old Santeri Lehtonen. Naturally, they both said yes.

The trio have been living together in Berlin since the Covid lockdown. Over the past four and a half years, the three men have created their own little universe — one that, they say, doesn’t fit neatly into conventional ideas about love, friendship and relationships.

In October, they plan to hold an actual “friendship wedding” on the rooftop of their Berlin home. The ceremony will have no legal status, but symbolically, the men want to affirm that they are choosing one another for life.

Nwilati’s proposal has already gone viral. The video he posted on social media has received more than 480,000 likes.

The reaction has been mixed: some people were fascinated by the unusual story, while others responded harshly and even aggressively.

For the three men themselves, however, the idea is much simpler.

“We don’t value friendship enough,” Nwilati says.

According to him, friendships are often treated far less seriously than romantic relationships. When people drift apart from friends, they often simply disappear from one another’s lives — without conversations, promises or any kind of ritual farewell.

Lehtonen, a sustainability consultant and activist, admits that their friendship has become his main support system.

“I feel like I could call them on the rainiest day on Earth, and even if they were 20 kilometres away from me, they would come and help me carry something heavy or simply be a shoulder to cry on,” he says.

The men say traditional male friendship often leaves little room for emotional intimacy: a handshake or pat on the shoulder instead of a hug, shared activities instead of vulnerable one-on-one conversations. Nwilati believes they have built a completely different kind of relationship.

“It all comes down to the emotional intimacy we have. Once you see it and experience it, you don’t want anything else,” he says.

This is not a love triangle

Despite the unusual arrangement, the men stress that they are not romantically involved with one another.

Lehtonen is the only one of the three currently in a romantic relationship. He describes himself as “bisexually curious,” while Nwilati and Naydenov are heterosexual.

All three, however, believe their friendship provides a foundation that makes their personal lives healthier.

“In society, a romantic partner is often expected to be your best friend, therapist and basically everything else,” Nwilati explains.

According to him, having close friends takes enormous pressure off a future romantic partner.

“I’m not looking for someone who has to fill some kind of void. You can accept a person for who they are and build a relationship on that basis.”

At the same time, Nwilati acknowledges that friendship cannot replace absolutely everything.

“There are things it doesn’t provide, such as sexual intimacy. Obviously, that’s not something we explore in our relationships.”

Their parents didn’t immediately understand what was happening

Not all of their relatives immediately grasped the concept of a “friendship wedding.”

Naydenov says his mother bombarded him with questions: What obligations would now bind the three men together, and what promises were they planning to make to one another?

Naydenov explained it as simply as possible: they were celebrating five years of friendship and the fact that they all live together under the same roof.

Lehtonen was also nervous about telling his parents about the engagement, but they surprisingly took the news in their stride.

Nwilati has yet to tell his own parents.

What happens after the ‘wedding’?

The trio already have ambitious plans for the future.

They dream of one day moving to a secluded house in the countryside and creating their own community there. Ideally, their romantic partners would be part of it too.

“We’d ultimately like to live as six — the three of us and our romantic partners,” Lehtonen says.

The wedding ceremony itself will be equally unconventional. The friends plan to combine elements of Arab, Greek and Finnish wedding traditions, paying tribute to their respective backgrounds.

The proposal has been made, the rings have been bought and the wedding has been planned.

All that remains is to hold the ceremony. Although the men are not ruling out an even more unusual finale.

“Maybe we’ll all wear veils?” Nwilati jokes, addressing his fellow “grooms.”

All three burst out laughing.

And then comes the final joke:

“And you can get back in touch with us after the divorce.”